you can have fun 2moro, I need you today

Ive always thought this and wondered if I will ever meet anyone who understands where I come across with this. But I find this topic fascinating and overwhelmingly dissapointing at the same time. Is what constitutes needing someone? And when does that line get crossed?

I always find it difficult to express this, but I firmly believe that the principle is right, and we as human beings maybe need to recognise it. What i am referring to is, at what point does someone need to reach where one can understand that the situation needs drastic, and emergency action and that they need someone to be there. Its abit like this weekend, where I have been trying to get medication for my depression and find that the nhs cant help me unless my life is at risk? does that mean to suggest im not worth caring about unless I am suicidal? does that mean the fact that I hurt and struggle and feel lonely everyday that I am struggling to survive-is that not an emergency? just because I am not actively trying to end my life, doesnt mean I dont often wish it to end  with what i am going through. is that not worth helping? do i just deal with it? because the mere fact im asking for help, is I cant.

And this concept of being there for someone is interesting, because it is very often given to the person helping to decide what help the person needing it gets. And I very often think, when for example one says, well Im needing to sit with my family and they might need me, that I think, but in this criteria, when someone you say you love and support, needs you to be there and asks you to help, who is the one most in danger? who is the one that isnt safe? because ok your family might need you 2moro, but the one that needs you needs you now. not 2moro, not next week, now. and what if something happens and you weren’t there, if I was playing devils advocate? the first thing most people say in that sense is, I wish i was there. why cant you be? or more likely why werent you?

because under that criteria, anyone outside a circle theyve created that needs help, is overruled by someone who right now, this second, doesnt need any help at all and is safe, so all your energy your putting in someone that doesnt need it.   And that then means the only thing stopping them is that it must mean they must not love the needy person enough or care enough to leave their own safe zone. is that not a fair thing to think? but if you do need someone, its because you have no safe zone, and you are trying to find one by going to someone who makes the situation safer and better and you trust and most likely love. Which if you believe in the principle of loving and caring, is the right thing to do. arent we meant to ask for help? aren’t we meant to break down and need picking up?

Or another way of looking at it, is people then look at you and say you have to get through this yourself? but what if you have tried everything? what if you tried everything you can to be better? and ok , I might be alive 2moro, but I’m dying today, so is that ok to know and do nothing about?? and under that purpose we would never need anyone in our life. because under that basis, we need to be strong enough that we can never ask someone to be there or be needed? whoever thinks that is being unrealistic, and in essence lying. is it better to be fake?

I ask you this as an aside, how do we make relationships meaningful? isnt it through being there through whatever it may be?

Having helped people and gotten help like this, the best most effective form of help ive seen and gave, is rapid and quick and reactionary and instant, and if you think about it, If I said to you that I was hurting, I was Struggling, I was unsure, afraid and needed you, and i loved you, and you know I did, what would you want me to do if that was you? you’d want me to come and you’d want me to be there, right that second. And I dont see how people dont see that, if you help with that amount of power by going round, being there, consoling,as it happens, when its happening, it would take less time to help them in the future, and they would most likely get better quicker. So even if you think ill help them alittle bit at a time when I can, its nowhere near as effective, as meaningful, as helpful, and a better connection to a human being than helping with the problem now. And it doesnt treat them asking you that they need you as seriously as it should be.

If i ever had a family, and this is the crucial bit, and my best friend said to me, Steven, I am struggling today, and I could really do with your help, so i need you be here and then i decided to stay in cos my wife might need me, then Ive married the wrong person, cos she would know i value everyone I love with the same understanding and know how serious i would treat that. so if there wasnt a crisis in my house, i would know that I would be needed in a crisis that is real right now outside of it, and all they would need to do is ask me and tell me, and I can make the most difference by going now not 2moro. Cos they might not need me 2moro, but if we aren’t there for each other at the most crucial of times, whats the point in being friends, whats the point in relationships. whats the point in being needed?

I can understand as well the premise some people have of rather having just people in there lives who are always happy, and keep their problems to themselves, but would life ultimately mean as much if you arent there for the bad stuff as well? think about the best thing youve ever done for someone, it would most likely be when you were there for someone because WE DONT NEED SOMEONE ALL THE TIME. yet when anyone does need someone, its suddenly so difficult to do, which is why it means something, the hardest things in life are worth doing the most, and we can have  million great time, good times, fun times, but to get truely close to someone, you need to be there for the bad. and when it happens, because this isnt said enough, but helping someone is never convenient, but neither is the pain that person goes through. that doesnt make it a reason.

i guess we are growing up in a world, where the easier option or the more instant gratification is better. ive never been more disappointed in humans. i thought we could be better at this. but maybe, I wont be loved enough for this to happen. who knows?

because you can always have fun 2moro, but i need you today, and not soon, or later, now.





What now constitutes an emergency?

gaming teeth

First of all, I know with the seriousness of my blog title, and when I tell you what got me into this angry mood, that it may not seem as annoying to you as it annoyed me, but I really wanted to underline a very important point that got underlined to my immense frustration recently.

Ok to the first point, you are welcome to laugh about the fact that this will be in reference to the chronic tooth ache I’ve been feeling recently. Ok I can take that as funny from an outsider, because to me it even reminds me of one of the pathetic excuses kids used to give in order to get out of the way I mean other kids, as it may shock you to know I once played sport a lot, contrary to some photos you may have seen of me, I blame reading……… but seriously, I’ve never felt such discomfort on a consistent level than this toothache I have been having, and I did miss three months when a nerve collapsed in my neck, that wasn’t fun.

Yet there’s something that both the incidents have in common regardless of the nerve problem being more serious, in that no matter what amount of pain I was in, there seems to be a complete injustice floating around that patients are more often than not faking their ailments rather than being treated properly. I would like to put into context, that I hate being ill, therefore I very often don’t take time off, which has backfired on me in the past by not looking after myself like I should. I accept that. Therefore, when I picked up the phone, after three days of pain and taking painkillers I realised I may have tooth that needs removed, or at the very least seen to immediately, I swallowed my stupidity to try and do something about a problem I’ve been having by ringing NHS direct.

Now this is currently a Saturday when I rang, and what I had decided, again my own reluctance to cause a fuss, was to wait out till Monday to get my tooth seen to. But I had such a bad night, with no sleep at all, that I felt it was enough to warrant me phoning up as I would have to wait another two days to sort it. So I ring, they say fine….a dental nurse will ring you shortly, hangs up. I then wait an hour and a half till this person rings me up, and it’s painfully obvious, in more ways than one, that I’m not going to get any help, but the person on the phone clearly has an attitude that I don’t need any help, because the first thing she says is that there’s no guarantee I’ll let you get treated.

Now this is where to quote Stephen fry-‘my spleen is not big enough to cope with the inner juices of fury’ in regards to her saying that. Without even the patient, i.e. the reason that she’s on the phone in the first place has said anything, she has already pretty much made a decision. So as you’ll not be surprised to learn, she said, take more painkillers ring Monday, which was good because I was trying to ring the automatic service of stating the fucking obvious. Now I understand if I was using a general doctor time when he has someone more serious to treat, but this was a line specifically  for dental treatment,  I wasn’t standing in a waiting line of different people with different ailments(also known as the 6 items or less queue at 4am asda).

Also, she said she would decide whether I could speak to a dentist after few questions, which leads to what answer could I possibly give other than, im in pain, my painkillers have stopped working, that’s why I rang you. I didn’t realise that the helpline all of a sudden was run by a devilish tooth fairy, as in even the tooth fairy in this country is struggling for work she has to accept working in a call centre. Also a tooth fairy that has lost her ways, she used to want them teeth, you know more than anything now she’s turning them down. The thing was as well, she usually would pay us, yet the sad story is, all I wanted was to find a way of paying her to take the tooth from me. So I could of saved her from giving in to the system, yet apparently I’m not even allowed to asked for dental treatment on a Saturday, because although it’s out of hours, it’s not an emergency, even though, out of hours, is not normal, therefore you ring……..if it’s an emergency……work that one out.

There is a serious point to be made here though, because I’m starting to see this all the time and it really worries me to see a great idea like the NHS being run wrong, by the wrong people. I know an argument people would make is that they put these regulations in place to stop people abusing the system, but the system still has to work for genuinely ill people that need something to not be accused of wasting the emergency services time before they have been assessed. Regardless of whether the patient is wrong or not they should have a right to go and ask a medical professional whether they are ill or not.

Now you may think ‘Steven- she was in a better, More educated position than you to make a decision’, but , having taken her advice to visit my local chemist, they had a  professional there who told me that the advice I got wasn’t the right one, and gave me different medication. May I be bold enough to think that they saw I was in obvious discomfort and therefore were in a better position to try to help me? But even if they see you, they still find it much easier to treat you with painkillers, which masks what is happening to you rather than an effective long term treatment for the root of the problem. To use my nerve problem I had last year as an example,  I was on painkillers for a month and when they stopped working I had the same pain as when it started, because they didn’t treat the nerve that caused the problem in the first place.

This issue of giving just short term solutions to illnesses is a problem. The lack of public knowledge for example towards mental health means that many are being put on anti-depressants because  it costs a lot less in principle to take that solution then endless therapy sessions to get to the root of the individuals mental anguish. However, one in ten people in Europe are taking at least one day a week of work in regards to depression related episodes. Imagine the amount of working days that is that would end up affecting the economy generated on those days? And the worst part for us Brits, we are the not only the most depressed, but also it’s the most treated illness every year, meaning your more than likely going to know someone that is suffering depression. Isn’t it worth knowing that to start helping people treat when they’re sick?

Lets start treating people, and if the NHS is without cost, regardless of cost, time and inconvience,

lets start treating people but literally, and properly.