Depression lies part 2: manic depression/ why sharing is everything

I recently put up a new vlog where I talked about my battles with manic depression and how I hope that it would help anyone who feels anything like I do get the help they need and some comfort that that someone also feels like they do. heres the link!

I have been feeling  over the last few weeks very lonely and finding life in general difficult so many ask me why go through the struggle of doing something like this. the honest answer is I want to make a difference, and as I have been saying in twitter conversations there is people in this world that I love that do not understand what i go through and the only way we can get better at this is through being open, so it gives people the chance to understand more and help.

So i hope this helps you, or someone you know, and tell me if it does as some already have and it means the world to me just to tell someone that we do not have to fight this alone anymore, i certainly am sick of it!

your friend



Lee Paul Band interviews online

We had a  great opportunity to interview some friends of ours Lee Paul plus support last weekend and weve started putting them up on our youtube channel here:

heres the latest one with support band Ourselves and Us

We also did a podcast with Lee Paul Band members Brian, Alex and their manager Ian that you can find on our website or itunes

We are planning to do more interviews for our youtube channel in the future as well as some more original content so if that sounds like fun please subscribe to our youtube channel and this blog!

may the geek go on!

Hesse Vlog Episode 2!

We recorded a podcast this week with Jamjar Cinema thats being realised the start of next week, but we also did a Video Blog there in the cimena where Steven talks going to Screencon, his accident two weeks ago and A podcast milestone! Also as usual some Geek Apocalypse news!  Hope you enjoy!

update on lack of blogs! busy busy bee honey writing web series!

IMAG3537Ι am aware I haven’t wrote anything in a while and it has been bothering me, because in totally honesty, I really enjoy writing this blog. every since I have written stuff down from around 14 years old, it is very much therapy for me. And those that know me know I very much need as much therapy as I can get! which does sound funny but is also very much true! I am just always hopeful that its fun crazy more than any other type of crazy. Ill pause now as any friend reading this politely nods….

by the way I’ve had a blog in my drafts folder for a while now, where I have wrote about that very subject, and for various reasons I have never been able to press the publish button, mainly because it needs work and I don’t feel its the right time to dedicate my time telling my story on that.Maybe its the feeling of if I go ill go all the way kind of feeling.  But one day I definitely will, especially with the importance of talking about mental health being reminded with Stephen fry admitting his struggles recently. It will always be important to talk about it because my immediate reaction to Stephens admission  is that I hope one day mental health wont be debated, but understood. And if i can help that happen by even one person knowing my side of that then it will be worth doing, just like my mam talking about her parkinson illness, the more people that know the better everyone can understand the condition. but like i say, one day ill talk about it fully from my point of view,

but the truth is in regards to my blog inactivity, is that I have been ridiculously busy after uk expo. not only did I do two blogs during the weekend and then have to edit two podcasts, but Most of my recent time has been spent writing a web series. My basic and rather tragic failings after uni was I tried to get into the BBC as a producer and got very close to doing so. now one of the things they ask you to do is write a pilot, so I wrote a show called looking forward to failure! now ever since I wrote it, it has been on my old computer that i originally thought Id lost the data for . but, I came up with the genius solution (ok my cousin did, but he isn’t here to take the credit!) to buy the casing for a external hard drive so i could reuse my old hard drive. So through the wonder of magic commonly known as technology, hey presto! I could get my data of it and there it was, my old series pilot!  So, after willing myself to think it wont suck balls, I decided to read it, and yeah it needed work ,but it got me feeling passionate about writing again. And some of it made me laugh which I very rarely do in regards to my own material. So I decided there and then to commit my spare time to write this and see if i could make it a web series!

its funny, I really don’t believe in coincidences or that the stars align and all the pieces fall right into place,(I’m a scorpio that ain’t gonna happen-joke) but I know things can influence me. coupled with the good fortune of finding the script I have been watching so many web series, that it made me realise that something like this can be possible if I put my mind to it. It’s really weird though, cos like I said right at the beginning of this blog I really struggle with having to be over confident in making something happen but with business and creative pursuits you kinda have to be. With a web series you kind have to have the mindset that it will be made then it will be successful in order to have the motivation to make it happen in the first place. Or at least I have to, which makes me sad because all i really want to do is to see it made but anyone that writes something that says that  they don’t care if its not successful are simply not telling the truth.  

Ultimately, I think if i don’t dedicate all my time to it ill slack of and then lose the desire to complete it ,and to be honest, I do that far too often that I might never complete any idea ever! so other than my regular schedule of podcasting and freelance work, I’m trying desperately to get the script ready by finishing the final episode of the first season so I can then try and  get it to the next stage! then theres figure out the kickstarter project so if anyone says to me in the next few days, Steven you dont work hard, you may not see them again!

because the things that are worth working hard for, are the reason they are hard in the first place!


i did an interview where i talked about Geek apocalypse in detail! if your interested here it it is! 


my tabletop day experience: why I love geeks and gaming

After t2013-03-30 12.43.09he 16th hour of games, I took the cucumber slices of my eyes and soathing creams of my face(even I find that image ridiculous, because I’m obviously kidding), and with how much I knew this fantastic day was over, I knew It was time to leave and go home. For those that have no clue what I am on about, I was part of yesterdays brilliant international tabletop day devised by my fellow geek’s at Geek and Sundry.the idea was to get everyone around the world to host an event, wherever they can and with whoever they can, and play board games all day, which is frigging awesome.So me and my new friends from Newcastle gamers decided to do just that, and we decided to do it for charity i.e all the money that’s raised from it is going to a local charity here in Newcastle England.

tabletop day on the service is such a simple idea, yet something like 3300 events in 50 countries participated in the simple act of playing board games with strangers, friends, family, all to embrace and enjoy the brilliant, coming together of people that gaming can create. It generally gives me hope that we can take the word geek and gaming, and mean it as abstractly as I do, that  its about being interested, and appreciate the things that we love not to discriminate against for liking things, whether they are differentSAMSUNG or not. That’s why gaming is beautiful and this idea is so awesome, because it gets together people for all ages, with all different ideas or varying levels of relationships/friendships and gets to know someone more while playing something fun, engaging and enjoyable.

What other thing does that so effectively? how many times have you fought members of your family for the remote and lost? sitting painlessly through a show that you really didn’t want to watch? well, we played for 16 hours and not one time did someone request not to play something. The great thing is that even if your shit at something, which I am for most games, then you still have the advantage of talking and enjoying the company, in a sense the game doesn’t matter if the company is good. With gamers, the majority are interested, keen to try something new and you find that if you play something they want to play, they’ll play a game of yours. this is due to games being playable more so than ever right to the end, so you don’t feel alienated, and TV regardless of what people say, is practically becoming a solo activity, because there’s so much stuff to watch and its hard to find something for everyone. in games, so much choice, but you literally can’t play without cooperation and you still get the end result: bags of geeky fun stuff! which ironically is a name I used to dance under.

2013-03-30 15.36.23

as I said earlier the great thing about games , and tabletop day was a great example of this, is that the time fame of games is so diverse that whatever your in the mood for you can play. like i brought food from home so while some peeps went out for food, we played zombie dice, in which the dice were literally trying to kill me! as you’ll see in the photo, the idea is to avoid the bullet symbols and i rolled 5! this is really hard to suck that bad, its really rare. as in if i poked myself in the eye, while wearing an eye patch on the other eye, or including not playing the game in the first place, i still could roll better than i did then! but as luck would have it, I won in the next turns! but its simple and can be a two player game, so while we were waiting there was still something to play that was great. for your hilarity I’d never won in 2 months since going to my club, but the strange thing about it is its a very short term effect in actually winning. the first feeling I have is ”That’s awesome can we play again’, or ‘lets play another game’. If you look at the first photo of this blog for example, that’s part of a game called war on terror, where you wear the evil hat if your evil, now i know i look like a dick (i do anyway and some think I’m evil anyway) but the thing is, it really didn’t matter. I wasn’t bullied for it, it was all in good spirit! And I hope that one of the things that tabletop does is that it brings people who are worried about being humiliated or picked on , that it really isn’t the case and that they try coming along like people did at the event. free hugs for everyone!

Its funny as i say that because it reminded me that ever since I’ve learnt to accept who I am and what I like, far less people attack me for being who I am. and the irony is, it was more when I wasn’t doing geeky things that people attacked me for liking the things I liked that I wasn’t letting myself like in the first place. in gaming circles 99% of the time your accepted instantly and you’ll find people in there you really like. and it really isn’t a competitive environment so the idea of losing is not anywhere near as humiliating as the douche bag lack of real spirited gamers that attack you online for being supposedly shit at something. This is why board games in particular are awesome, because its underpinnings are promoting cooperation between the players, whether your playing 2013-03-30 12.47.20against each other, or not. That’s why in particular games like castle panic  or pandemic, lord of the rings and other co-operative games are great for people who are unsure, because its all of you versus the board. of course you may get someone with more experience playing the game, but in general they are all for hearing what you think we should do, that’s why its a much more enjoyable experience! us gamers want you there!

That’s why I really like someone if they say, yeah ill play, ill play anything, rather than someone that goes ‘dude that doesn’t sound like something id like’. how the feck do you know? if you  like games, then i generally would like you (i would like to hug you too for 2013-03-30 11.57.11being awesome), because i do think your more likely to be open minded, imaginative, interested in the same things as me. or not interested in anything I like, and that’s the point, games gets us together to talk about and enjoy anything. look at a game we played on tabletop day like pandemic(photo picture on the right), your going to get beat by it, but we tried, and we nearly beat it on legendary! we were 2 steps away from curing all the disease. for those that don’t know the game you have to stop a world wide pandemic by working together to cure all 4 viruses that are affecting the world. if you play on legendary, you never win, but we had the cure, we only had one card in the deck that could kill us, and it came out! I really wanted to raSAMSUNGge quit! but we spent most of the day bringing it up how awesome it was playing together, and I didn’t know the guys I was playing with but I liked playing the game with them. Isn’t that great? Peeps I didn’t know and we already have a story about us playing a game we lost at. that’s the point, whether you win or not, its fun, you laugh, you enjoy yourself. which is good cos i usually win fuck all 🙂

That’s why i love being a geek as well as a gamer, the openness to accept people and allow people to show how much they like things.I saw an article with Simon Pegg recently that said exactly the same thing about geeks. Being a geek is not only having an interested, a love, but it allows you to be that way for everything. Its such a better existance to love what you love because it makes you happy, because you’ll find that it makes other people around you more comfortable within themselves, which is exactly what being a geek as done for me. in a sense I’m not being anything, geek is not a group, its in many ways an ideology of just being interested about people, and not letting anyone who doesn’t, stop you from loving the things you do. I played 16 hours worth of games during the event, and all it felt like was getting to know people, and loving the hell out of it because we were playing awesome games!

So if someone does take anything from tabletop day, I hope its their love of games and that it’s ok to like the things you like, because if we can collectively be 3300 events in one day around the world, we really aren’t alone in thinking the way we do!

and all for just picking up a board games and playing it? thats why gaming is beautiful and important.

play more games 🙂

i did a podcast at the event which you can find here

and there’s a you tube diary of me throughout the day and thank you I did for Geek and Sundry that you can find below 🙂