I find the world fascinating, so much so that if you left me without the pressures of modern society and left me the opportunity to observe the world and travel to the corners of the earth, then I feel like I may eventually hit the dreaded word we crave called content..
I’ve been having so many emotions hit me in the last week, some personal stuff I’ve had to deal with that makes me wonder a lot of things. Should I be as open as I am, should I be as open minded as I feel and should I strive to seek the truth no matter what the truth may be. Everything I ever do is honest, anyone that looks at Geek Apocalypse whether its the podcast or this blog or knows me well enough, I hope that they would say that no matter what mistakes I make that at least I make them. I really try to do the right thing, and through various things like not being intelligent enough about whatever it is or not understanding certain things, I try to the best of my ability to think of others just like I would like to be treated.
I’d like to think that I have the right amount of confidence, I know through quite a long bout of suffering that I believe the things I believe and I know who I am. Yet when I feel like I am being taking advantage of like recently I wonder if being as open or as honest as I am is worth it. Being open leaves you totally vulnerable to that happening and can leave you feeling embarrassed and the most destructive feeling for me: disappointed.
so if I tell you what I did today is cried and wished I wasn’t open at all, I would be telling you that sometimes it does not go the way you wanted to. Also it leads to the interesting question, is it good to cry? It always amuses me that people say crying is showing that your soft. I always find myself going ‘Steven stop crying’ when i start, as if its for some reason not allowed to be sad about something or to be moved by a piece of art. Whenever I think I’m disgracing the male gender by crying I always think of the brilliant dickens quote:
“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before–more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.”
So I question today whether being open and honest is the best thing to be. Then I go see my friends, we laugh, we joke, we be as open and as honest as you like and I realise, the best relationships and friendships need that in order to flourish and succeed. You cant get the bad without the good, and without being open, you cant get the best, which is all I want.
I shouldnt apologise for being open and I ask you to join me, whatever the conversation takes us.
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss