you can have fun 2moro, I need you today

Ive always thought this and wondered if I will ever meet anyone who understands where I come across with this. But I find this topic fascinating and overwhelmingly dissapointing at the same time. Is what constitutes needing someone? And when does that line get crossed?

I always find it difficult to express this, but I firmly believe that the principle is right, and we as human beings maybe need to recognise it. What i am referring to is, at what point does someone need to reach where one can understand that the situation needs drastic, and emergency action and that they need someone to be there. Its abit like this weekend, where I have been trying to get medication for my depression and find that the nhs cant help me unless my life is at risk? does that mean to suggest im not worth caring about unless I am suicidal? does that mean the fact that I hurt and struggle and feel lonely everyday that I am struggling to survive-is that not an emergency? just because I am not actively trying to end my life, doesnt mean I dont often wish it to end  with what i am going through. is that not worth helping? do i just deal with it? because the mere fact im asking for help, is I cant.

And this concept of being there for someone is interesting, because it is very often given to the person helping to decide what help the person needing it gets. And I very often think, when for example one says, well Im needing to sit with my family and they might need me, that I think, but in this criteria, when someone you say you love and support, needs you to be there and asks you to help, who is the one most in danger? who is the one that isnt safe? because ok your family might need you 2moro, but the one that needs you needs you now. not 2moro, not next week, now. and what if something happens and you weren’t there, if I was playing devils advocate? the first thing most people say in that sense is, I wish i was there. why cant you be? or more likely why werent you?

because under that criteria, anyone outside a circle theyve created that needs help, is overruled by someone who right now, this second, doesnt need any help at all and is safe, so all your energy your putting in someone that doesnt need it.   And that then means the only thing stopping them is that it must mean they must not love the needy person enough or care enough to leave their own safe zone. is that not a fair thing to think? but if you do need someone, its because you have no safe zone, and you are trying to find one by going to someone who makes the situation safer and better and you trust and most likely love. Which if you believe in the principle of loving and caring, is the right thing to do. arent we meant to ask for help? aren’t we meant to break down and need picking up?

Or another way of looking at it, is people then look at you and say you have to get through this yourself? but what if you have tried everything? what if you tried everything you can to be better? and ok , I might be alive 2moro, but I’m dying today, so is that ok to know and do nothing about?? and under that purpose we would never need anyone in our life. because under that basis, we need to be strong enough that we can never ask someone to be there or be needed? whoever thinks that is being unrealistic, and in essence lying. is it better to be fake?

I ask you this as an aside, how do we make relationships meaningful? isnt it through being there through whatever it may be?

Having helped people and gotten help like this, the best most effective form of help ive seen and gave, is rapid and quick and reactionary and instant, and if you think about it, If I said to you that I was hurting, I was Struggling, I was unsure, afraid and needed you, and i loved you, and you know I did, what would you want me to do if that was you? you’d want me to come and you’d want me to be there, right that second. And I dont see how people dont see that, if you help with that amount of power by going round, being there, consoling,as it happens, when its happening, it would take less time to help them in the future, and they would most likely get better quicker. So even if you think ill help them alittle bit at a time when I can, its nowhere near as effective, as meaningful, as helpful, and a better connection to a human being than helping with the problem now. And it doesnt treat them asking you that they need you as seriously as it should be.

If i ever had a family, and this is the crucial bit, and my best friend said to me, Steven, I am struggling today, and I could really do with your help, so i need you be here and then i decided to stay in cos my wife might need me, then Ive married the wrong person, cos she would know i value everyone I love with the same understanding and know how serious i would treat that. so if there wasnt a crisis in my house, i would know that I would be needed in a crisis that is real right now outside of it, and all they would need to do is ask me and tell me, and I can make the most difference by going now not 2moro. Cos they might not need me 2moro, but if we aren’t there for each other at the most crucial of times, whats the point in being friends, whats the point in relationships. whats the point in being needed?

I can understand as well the premise some people have of rather having just people in there lives who are always happy, and keep their problems to themselves, but would life ultimately mean as much if you arent there for the bad stuff as well? think about the best thing youve ever done for someone, it would most likely be when you were there for someone because WE DONT NEED SOMEONE ALL THE TIME. yet when anyone does need someone, its suddenly so difficult to do, which is why it means something, the hardest things in life are worth doing the most, and we can have  million great time, good times, fun times, but to get truely close to someone, you need to be there for the bad. and when it happens, because this isnt said enough, but helping someone is never convenient, but neither is the pain that person goes through. that doesnt make it a reason.

i guess we are growing up in a world, where the easier option or the more instant gratification is better. ive never been more disappointed in humans. i thought we could be better at this. but maybe, I wont be loved enough for this to happen. who knows?

because you can always have fun 2moro, but i need you today, and not soon, or later, now.





the beauty of gaming, the life of a gamer part 2

gamingI wrote a post a week or so go where I talked about the value of gaming and I had a lot to say about the influence, joy and importance it has had over my life. I then sat down, after playing several different games the last few days, that I barely scratched the service on other games that I play or have played.

I also missed a couple of really important points in regards to my gaming life, the influence of my family. Every family has something that binds them together, something that gathers dust until family members gather round and becomes the family tie of bonding everyone together. There was two things that did that for my family, The TV series red dwarf and games,  in particular card games.

Some of my earliest memories involve the family gathering round to watch series 6 of red dwarf,one of the few tv shows we all liked and was mandatory viewing (remember when all tv was mandatory?). not only did that time influence my geekiness and my love of sci fi, but after we would sit and play cards, like a simple version of poker, switch(which I affectionately call pick up 2) or kings or trumps. Even on holiday, the thing that we would make sure not to forget, was a pack of cards and yahtzee, that we played so much we had to print our own score cards off!! It even would be created into anecdotes like when I was around 8 years old and was overtly aggressive with the yahtzee dices that they rolled into the swimming pool. Imagine my brothers face when he had to dive in and look for floating dice that his younger brother was at fault for? I still think he holds it against me!

What I regard as beautiful about this, is when I was thinking about this last night, the reason It hit me was because, we were playing uno(the chinese version of switch) at work and it was reminding me how much games bring people together. I mean we were playing uno with 13 year olds, over 10 years older than me, and it was something we could share like there was no generational gap at all. Last night I was playing games with my dad in a bar, because regardless of how little my dad and I talk about serious stuff, we bond over games like snooker, darts and cards. Some people regard gaming in that sense as insignificant, but games are the reason my dad and have something to do, and maintains our relationship even to this day.

Snooker is a really important thread in my life, because It is about one of my two major regrets. My family were really fortunate growing up to have 3 quarter sized snooker table in the house, and I played all the time, some of my earliest photos were of me with a half a regular sized cue trying to pot snooker balls with my dad or brother. It still makes me smile thinking about how much fun I had. the regret I mentioned was I suppose not my fault, but a cruel twist of nerves and age. my dad took me to a snooker club, baring in mind I was hitting 90 breaks in snooker at around 10 years old, I was getting really good, and for whatever reason, I got scared of going in the club. it looked to me like the entrance to a ghost ride, with teeth for doors ready to devour me, so i asked my dad to turn the car around. I never pursued it  beyond that initial encounter, other than playing occasionally like I do now.

I often wonder how I would of done, because I also got good at football but in terms of playing that particular sport it never sustained my love and joy that snooker still does now. My friends often joke that once I play snooker you have to drag me away from it, which is true, now my only consolation is playing pool and hustling people who brag how great at pool they are (I feel I’m providing a moral service in shutting up douchebags…honestly!). But the thing is, I play things that I lose at too, my dad is much better than me at darts for example and i lost 8 games in a row at uno. 8 games! that means even with it being quite a luck orientated game, the only way i could of done worse is if i celotaped my eyes shut. or the cards were trying to kill me, yeah lets go for that.

But that’s the value of games that are brilliant. My fondest memory of last Christmas for eample was playing cards with my family and sitting next to my sister, we laughed all day, we forgot at several points that we were playing cards, and its a good memory because it was nice to see my sister being miss serious all the time and enjoying herself. it reminded me of playing snooker with my brother years ago, or more significantly, we’ve done the same thing for 20 years: gathered round my dinner table at home as a family and played a board game or six, or endless card games and maintained the most important relationships in my life.

That’s the beauty of gaming, is that the game gets the people you love, the people you know, or the people you don’t know and develops maintains or creates relationships and friendships that can last due to the mutual love of games, and I’m so grateful that they exist, because, I wouldn’t have the life I have now without them, the friendships that have last years, the family that bind together over playing them, and Ill always be grateful for that.

so as I look at my new edition of Munchkin apocalypse, I get the same buzz, the feeling of opening it, and knowing that I get to share this with the people i know, or dont know…..and I still cant wait to do that! 🙂

I will be at Newcastle Gamers celebration of international tabletop  day on march 30th do have a look here and do come along if ya can! 🙂