you can have fun 2moro, I need you today

Ive always thought this and wondered if I will ever meet anyone who understands where I come across with this. But I find this topic fascinating and overwhelmingly dissapointing at the same time. Is what constitutes needing someone? And when does that line get crossed?

I always find it difficult to express this, but I firmly believe that the principle is right, and we as human beings maybe need to recognise it. What i am referring to is, at what point does someone need to reach where one can understand that the situation needs drastic, and emergency action and that they need someone to be there. Its abit like this weekend, where I have been trying to get medication for my depression and find that the nhs cant help me unless my life is at risk? does that mean to suggest im not worth caring about unless I am suicidal? does that mean the fact that I hurt and struggle and feel lonely everyday that I am struggling to survive-is that not an emergency? just because I am not actively trying to end my life, doesnt mean I dont often wish it to end  with what i am going through. is that not worth helping? do i just deal with it? because the mere fact im asking for help, is I cant.

And this concept of being there for someone is interesting, because it is very often given to the person helping to decide what help the person needing it gets. And I very often think, when for example one says, well Im needing to sit with my family and they might need me, that I think, but in this criteria, when someone you say you love and support, needs you to be there and asks you to help, who is the one most in danger? who is the one that isnt safe? because ok your family might need you 2moro, but the one that needs you needs you now. not 2moro, not next week, now. and what if something happens and you weren’t there, if I was playing devils advocate? the first thing most people say in that sense is, I wish i was there. why cant you be? or more likely why werent you?

because under that criteria, anyone outside a circle theyve created that needs help, is overruled by someone who right now, this second, doesnt need any help at all and is safe, so all your energy your putting in someone that doesnt need it.   And that then means the only thing stopping them is that it must mean they must not love the needy person enough or care enough to leave their own safe zone. is that not a fair thing to think? but if you do need someone, its because you have no safe zone, and you are trying to find one by going to someone who makes the situation safer and better and you trust and most likely love. Which if you believe in the principle of loving and caring, is the right thing to do. arent we meant to ask for help? aren’t we meant to break down and need picking up?

Or another way of looking at it, is people then look at you and say you have to get through this yourself? but what if you have tried everything? what if you tried everything you can to be better? and ok , I might be alive 2moro, but I’m dying today, so is that ok to know and do nothing about?? and under that purpose we would never need anyone in our life. because under that basis, we need to be strong enough that we can never ask someone to be there or be needed? whoever thinks that is being unrealistic, and in essence lying. is it better to be fake?

I ask you this as an aside, how do we make relationships meaningful? isnt it through being there through whatever it may be?

Having helped people and gotten help like this, the best most effective form of help ive seen and gave, is rapid and quick and reactionary and instant, and if you think about it, If I said to you that I was hurting, I was Struggling, I was unsure, afraid and needed you, and i loved you, and you know I did, what would you want me to do if that was you? you’d want me to come and you’d want me to be there, right that second. And I dont see how people dont see that, if you help with that amount of power by going round, being there, consoling,as it happens, when its happening, it would take less time to help them in the future, and they would most likely get better quicker. So even if you think ill help them alittle bit at a time when I can, its nowhere near as effective, as meaningful, as helpful, and a better connection to a human being than helping with the problem now. And it doesnt treat them asking you that they need you as seriously as it should be.

If i ever had a family, and this is the crucial bit, and my best friend said to me, Steven, I am struggling today, and I could really do with your help, so i need you be here and then i decided to stay in cos my wife might need me, then Ive married the wrong person, cos she would know i value everyone I love with the same understanding and know how serious i would treat that. so if there wasnt a crisis in my house, i would know that I would be needed in a crisis that is real right now outside of it, and all they would need to do is ask me and tell me, and I can make the most difference by going now not 2moro. Cos they might not need me 2moro, but if we aren’t there for each other at the most crucial of times, whats the point in being friends, whats the point in relationships. whats the point in being needed?

I can understand as well the premise some people have of rather having just people in there lives who are always happy, and keep their problems to themselves, but would life ultimately mean as much if you arent there for the bad stuff as well? think about the best thing youve ever done for someone, it would most likely be when you were there for someone because WE DONT NEED SOMEONE ALL THE TIME. yet when anyone does need someone, its suddenly so difficult to do, which is why it means something, the hardest things in life are worth doing the most, and we can have  million great time, good times, fun times, but to get truely close to someone, you need to be there for the bad. and when it happens, because this isnt said enough, but helping someone is never convenient, but neither is the pain that person goes through. that doesnt make it a reason.

i guess we are growing up in a world, where the easier option or the more instant gratification is better. ive never been more disappointed in humans. i thought we could be better at this. but maybe, I wont be loved enough for this to happen. who knows?

because you can always have fun 2moro, but i need you today, and not soon, or later, now.

 

 

 

Advertisements

Depression lies part 2: manic depression/ why sharing is everything

I recently put up a new vlog where I talked about my battles with manic depression and how I hope that it would help anyone who feels anything like I do get the help they need and some comfort that that someone also feels like they do. heres the link!

I have been feeling  over the last few weeks very lonely and finding life in general difficult so many ask me why go through the struggle of doing something like this. the honest answer is I want to make a difference, and as I have been saying in twitter conversations there is people in this world that I love that do not understand what i go through and the only way we can get better at this is through being open, so it gives people the chance to understand more and help.

So i hope this helps you, or someone you know, and tell me if it does as some already have and it means the world to me just to tell someone that we do not have to fight this alone anymore, i certainly am sick of it!

your friend

Steven

Episode 47 Geek Apocalypse podcast with Andrew Hackard/ why tabletop gaming is awesome!

 

andrew show

Doing the Geek Apocalypse Podcast is pretty amazing and last may I got the opportunity to go to uk games expo in birmingham which was literally like walking in lego land for board game fans like myself. I had the biggest nerdgasm walking around getting to see all the toys available to play and get to share my passion with other like minded people who were just as enthuasistic. That’s what’s so great about being a geek or nerd, you can be open about what you love and find people that share the same passions, fears and insecurities as you do. but the biggest thing is that it is ok to be who you are, as long as your the normal things we want people to be, kind , honest, grateful etc

Anyway I digress! I met several great people and interviewed people for episode 15 and 16 of uk games expo and top of my list was Mr Andrew Hackard. I wanted on here to explain that the reason for this was because of two things, munchkin and tabletop. I played munchkin for the first time something like 10 years ago and it was one of those pillows of geekiness that shifted me from pretending to be someone else, but focus on being who I actually was, a geek that was afraid of being one, like several other people I knew. Also, Andrew was on tabletop, the show by wil wheaton and felicia day that finally kicked me up the arse to say, ‘look you like this, why are you ignoring this?’ so I started going to board game clubs and explored making it a hobby that I loved.

Andrew was super nice that day, I sat through his seminar and was gracious in giving me time to talk to him before it on the podcast. but what meant a lot to me, was later that day. I had came on my own to that convention for financial reasons, and was waiting for my train, and Andrew came over to me and I spent the whole time talking to me till I left, about half an hour, and it was so nice of him to do that. I said at the time that board game guys are really the nicest people I have met and they generally are!

so fast forward to this week, and Andrew agreed to do a full podcast with me! we talk meeting at uk games expo, working for Steve Jackson, Andrews experience being on the great board game web series Tabletop, his friendship with Wil Wheaton and thoughts on Geek and Sundry! We also talk the Munchkin franchise, conventions, new upcoming games such as ogre and its upcoming expansion, as well as upcoming games Munchkin Adventure Time and the remake of car wars! and really everything else board games related! super fun podcast and a real interesting guest!

we recommend you have a look at www.sjgames.com to find more info on everything Steve Jackson games is up to! You can also follow Andrew on twitter @RedPenOfDoom !

you can find the podcast here at http://www.geekapocalypse.com/shows or on itunes here https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/geek-apocalypse/id626098673?mt=2  or simply search for geek apocalypse!

 

 

Merry Christmas from Geek Apocalypse

So its another Christmas! As I sit down after another dose of lovely Christmas dinner at my sisters, surrounded by people I care for and love, I sincerely hope you are having a lovely Christmas day figuring out something to do before doctor who comes on! I mean…..what else is christmas for?? *phone rings* hello? what do you mean giving gifts? wheres your whovian spirit!

SAMSUNG

this was the sight early in the morning of my nephew Sam’s new present , notice the two adults in the frame? sure this present is just for my 6 year old nephew?

SAMSUNG

 

the table, pretty awesome thanks sis!

SAMSUNG

 

My family eating said meal,the one ordering people around is my nephew 😛

 

So on behalf of everyone associated With Geek Apocalypse, from contributors to co hosts, web helpers and I’m sure everyone whose been a guest on our show, can I wish everyone a very Happy Christmas! As I say in my show, I hope the festive holiday finds you enjoying being a geek even more than usual 🙂

may the geek be with you…always! Merry Xmas!

Steven

photo

 

p.s the next episode of geek apocalypse podcast with be released on the 28th with Andrew Hackard, due to itunes needing its beauty sleep this week!

 

Episode 46 Geek Apocalypse podcast with Kirsten Murray Borbjerg!

We recorded a Fun extended Podcast this week with the lovely Kirsten Murray Borbjerg! We talk Comic books, youth work, her danish heritage, english characteristics, big bang theory,being a geek and much more! really lovely women! We also meantion at the end my bike accident that she was unfortunately witness too, but as we say, everything has a silver lining! Wow ….such a hippy! Tis available on itunes and http://www.geekapocalypse.com

Kirsten also meantioned a rather scary doll she owns so here a picture of the doll we were referring to

doll kirsten

think you’ll agree, pretty scary!

Couple of things I need to meantion, the next podcast is with the Brilliant Andrew Hackard that I have already recorded, but itunes are taking a break so it will be released on the 28th rather than christmas day as originally planned! boo hoo mr itunes! Its an epicly fun podcast though so can’t wait for you to hear it!

Our new web series has a twitter account @failureseries and as always you can follow us @geek_apocalypse

so until I speak again! Merry Christmas my fellow geeks! 🙂

Hosted Episode online

Drew and Steven record at Drews house in gateshead to talk geeky subjects! we talk world war z and other films like deathproof, we also share cameras and production stories, thoughts on Brian Griffin’s death, photography, film and comic con and much more geeky fun times! that should be a newspaper-geeky fun times! note to patent office…the episode is available on itunes and http://www.geekapocalypse.com/shows 

you can follow Drew on twitter @the_imagesmith and the new podcast @podcastagainsth and ofcourse us on twitter @geek_apocalypse. We have also made an account for the new web series @failureseries !

I did a video blog where I talk Geek apocalypse related news here!