On march 27th 2013, after several months of working on the site and doing 5 podcasts in february to prepare, Geek Apocalypse was born and released into the rich emerald mine of knowledge that is the internet. And now we have reached today, march 27th 2014 that it is our one year anniversary! 58 podcasts later, a live event, a live show and a convention later, I cant believe it is only being a year and I have so much to be thankful for.
I’m going to break my rule of being proud of myself, because I have thought about Geek Apocalypse alot. One of the things that often angers me is how easy people think it is to do what i do. to talk for an hour, to organise things and promote other people and run the site, It is a full time job. Anyone that listens to the shows especially early on would know I wasnt sure what i was doing , all I knew was that I wanted to be able to be passionate and interested in not only the topics that come up but guests that i cared about and was interested in. I always feel that way, every single day I get up, and I know its something I’m so pleased I have, but to be proud about the shows is because I feel as I have done them I have gotten better at being comfortable being a geek. Being myself. And nearly everyone thats been on the show has said to me afterwards ‘that was fun I really enjoyed it’ . So in that sense I have done my job. One of the things I wanted to do was to have a podcast that felt safe, that showcased people in the north east that were talented and fun, and also to reach for people in geekdom who I admire and appreciate. So to be able to achieve that all in the first year is quite unbelievable.
as I said to Jane who is on the show next week, all you need to do to be on the show is to be alive, and be interested. And from my personal perspective being the host, interested in things and people. If you think about it how easy should that be? be yourself and be interested, ultimately one of the reasons I made the podcast is to convince people that it is ok to talk about things you love and like publicly. There are so many people I met who are waiting for permission, rather than simply breaking down the doors to then think ‘fuck it, if i fail I’ll fail, but ill be myself and do something I generally want to do’. Thats so key to me, there are people who come on the show beforehand that arent sure it is for them, and find themselves saying ‘is that it can we do more?’ The thing is as well, I am no one special, I am just someone who is respectful enough to be genuinely interested and is willing to give people a chance.
Ofcourse, on a purely basic level I got to meet some people I admired for a long time, I got to meet the whole cast of red dwarf, which was the show that my family watched together and began my love of all things geeky. I got to go to conventions and meet Andrew Hackard whos been on tabetop, and matt leacock who made some of my favourite games, I got to talk to producers, actors, artists, poets, musicians, comedians, entrepeneurs, which shows I do not have a rule in who can be on. As I said on the first blog I wrote about starting Geek Apocalypse, Geek is simply a term of being passionate and interested in whatever you love. Its not what you love its how you love it, and for whatever reason how we love things seems alien to me or half hearted. Look at how impersonal life is becoming, with so many posts over actually speaking to someone over the phone, or going to see someone. For whatever reason we do not feel its important or relevant anymore.
I am proud of what I’ve achieved, but simply I am a person that works hard, I spend more of my day frustrated and angry than feeling I have achieved anything, but I am always grateful for the opportunity to enjoy the things I enjoy, and share it with people i know, and even people I don’t. that’s the beauty of life, thats why its so enjoyable. Sharing is so much better than doing things on your own.
The thing that means so much more to me though, is the fact that I feel in my own small way that I am making a difference. We did a convention that was a huge success and I get families coming up to me telling me stories all the time about how playing games together matters and has brought their family together. I also have opened up about my battles with manic depression and have 100s of people open up to me about how difficult it is and how me telling my story makes them feel like they are not alone. because 99% of the time I feel chronically alone but if I can help the person thats sitting in their bedroom feeling no one cares, then that means so much to me. we all need help, its whether you can find someone thats willing to help you thats the problem. The thing that most upsets me is how nothing feels completely different, people are afraid of telling the truth, and are afraid of doing anything that really matters, so i will keep battling that, we need people, we need you, we need me hopefully and the only way we can do that is realising we need to work harder helping each other. So I hope by me telling the truth makes anyone realise that we can beat this, and you can do what you want to do if you really want it.
so after 100’s of thousands of downloads later, another podcast that we produce, an album recording, a convention, a team of people who have helped me along the way, i have so many people to thank. i wish to thank my good friend graham for building my site and doing all the posters for me, because without him i wouldn’t have a thing to promote, to all the co hosts i have had, Wayne, Robbie, Drew and James and to every single guest who has been willing to give them my time and opportunity to get to know them. I really appreciate it. to the few friends that have supported me and encouraged me to do this, i love you, keep up the support! This podcast gives me the opportunity to speak to some of the most talented people I know, and if this becomes the only thing I do I will be the happiest man in the world doing something i love as a job. it really is that simple.
And to anyone that has took the time to listen to the shows, or come to the events, or emailed me when they didn’t have to, thank you, it means the world to me, Don’t anyone ever tell you you don’t mean anything and you cant make a difference.
your loving geek
p.s Ill be releasing the podcast with shamol begum today as treat being the 1 year anniversary! so please do have a listen when it comes out!